People will see me and cry

I decided to participate in the Magic Interview Project that Neil initiated, as found through a lovely blog to which I subscribe. Originally I was scheduled to be interviewed by fringes, and was scheduled to interview Q, but since they share a blog, I was reassigned to interview Ali, and Ali was reassigned to Q (so as to prevent me from being an interview sandwich). I'm not sure I'm terribly excited by that (no offense to Ali, whose blog is RICH with content), mostly because I am unreasonably lazy, and having to read up on the history of a single blog is FAR easier than reading up on the history of two (Ali, I promise, I will send you your questions SOON). Also, I think it's pretty effing awesome that fringes and Q found love via the magic of a Google search. Also, that he goes by Q is tremendously geeky-hot, because who didn't love Q on Star Trek? Really!

I am duly impressed by the diligence of Ms. Fringes, who read my ENTIRE ARCHIVES, all three hundred and some-odd posts of them, prior to sending her exceptionally well-thought-out questions. Because I am an irreparable narcissist (per the point of aforementioned Interview Project -- why else would I keep a blog?), I've only yet read through half a dozen posts of Ali's blog, and have only begun to formulate my questions for her (Update: Ali's questions have been asked and answered! You should go read them!). On a related note, if you can guess where the title of this post is from WITHOUT CHEATING AKA WITHOUT USING THE INTERWEB then you get a cookie. Or a pecan pie. You pick (and I make a mean pecan pie).

Though it seems slightly backwards for the interviewee to publish the interview, after my recent experiences with being edited it's kind of nice to have total editorial control over the framework in which my answers are presented, in all their ridiculous glory, without the insertion of '[sic]' next to any of my grammatical errors. So I present for you, without further ado, the questions from fringes, and my answers to said questions:

1. You wrote in an April 2007 post: "Hope is the most dangerous and miserable of demons". I've never heard of hope being called a demon before, but, hey, I'm not that well read. What makes that statement true for you?

This is perhaps the problem with blogging...moments of weakness are forever immortalized for the entire Internet to see. That was a dark moment for me, and I was trying very hard to be vague so as not to incriminate myself or anyone else. I do think hope is one of my darkest demons -- I'm a pessimist who suffers from Pollyanna syndrome, and it's quite tragic because the Pollyanna in me generally ends up getting me kicked in the ass later.

2. Have you ever gotten into a fistfight with either a meat-eater or a vegan? Did you get your hair cut afterwards?

No! Wait, maybe? Are you referring to something I posted which I have since completely forgotten? I will say that I've nearly kicked my best friend's husband's ass because he loves to torment me about being vegetarian, and says that I will be forever single because no REAL man would ever date, let alone marry, a vegetarian. I'm on a vegan kick right now (though I've largely abandoned that in the past few days in favor of PIZZA! and QUESADILLAS! mmm...), but it's the sanctimonious nature (no pun intended) of so many vegans that makes me insane, which is largely why I seem to have lasted only about a week as a vegan. I'm sticking to veganism at home, but it's unfair to the rest of the world (or more importantly, to all my friends) to be a jerk about it when eating out. And (my coworker said this as evidence of my 'inner Jew' coming out, though I am not actually Jewish) sometimes a girl just needs a bagel and shmear.

"i hate babies. and children. they are a vile monstrosity that will one day cause the apocalypse, and it's highly unfortunate that in order for the human species to survive, we have to make babies, which grow into children, and cause the apocalypse."

3. I don't really have a follow-up question to your quote above. I just needed an excuse to paste it onto the universe for some reason. Feel free to pretend I asked you a legitimate question about it and answer away.

To that, I quote my dear brother's comment to said post:

"Babies explode on impact. They are a dangerous weapon that is not to be trifled with. Why do you think you have to be so careful with them? The soft spot is made up of C4 explosives."

And I'll mention my mother's somewhat humorous assessment of my life: I live in a world without children, not unlike the Queen of Vulgaria from Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang. I work at a university, where the youngest person I ever encounter is 18 years of age (and all of the people I work with on a regular basis are over 30). And I live in San Diego's gay neighborhood, in which there are very, very few children. Not to say there are none at all, but I suspect the severe lack of children is logistical -- even heterosexuals would have significantly fewer children if not for the occasional 'accident.'

4. You're a grammar stickler, yet you seem to abhor capital letters unless you're doing the all-caps thing. Explain the paradox, please.

A few months ago, I began to adhere to capitalization standards. My previous abhorrence of capital letters was mostly a result of laziness -- if in EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE I had to use the shift key at least twice, that was an unreasonable waste of energy and time. The excuse is laughable since I type close to 100 WPM, but it made me crazy (and tired out my poor little pinky finger). In emails with friends I will often regress into the sans-capital-letter laziness, but by and large proper capitalization is a habit I have acquired.

5. You made it through NaBloPoMo which is fabulous, but what happened during NaNoShoMo? I was rooting for you!

I very nearly made it through. Mid-way through December I did end up taking a trip to Target in which I bought a picture frame that was to be part of a moderately home-made gift (a framed 8x10 print of a photo I took) for a friend, but otherwise I stuck with it through the new year. The greatest result of all this is that I managed to rid myself of my shopping addiction. Before I would NEVER leave Target without a new blouse or pair of shoes or CD or book or set of sheets or whathaveyou; now I seriously contemplate every object before purchasing it: "Do I really need this?" And, in spite of being an irrepressible consumer whore, I find that the answer is almost always, "No, I really don't."

6. Five years of blogging is a long time. How much longer to you plan on living the dream?

A friend asked me the other night whether I found it to be an obligation -- that I must feel I HAVE to blog, because there are people who are expecting it. During NaBloPoMo that was certainly the case -- not so much because people were expecting it, but because it was something I had told myself I effing had to do every effing day (and as soon as I HAVE to do something, it suddenly becomes the last thing on this Earth I actually want to do). So I hated it, but I made it through, and I doubt that I will ever again enforce such false restrictions on myself, though it turned out to be a cathartic and compelling exercise (much like NaNoShoMo).

My answer to my friend's question was that it is quite the opposite -- any time something happens to me, I think, "I can't wait to blog about this." My recent interaction with some local thugs is a good example of this -- before the follow-up shout was even uttered, I was already thinking about how to contextualize the experience. Until that feeling dissipates, or until I find better things to do with my time, or until the day that I am stalker-free and hence no longer getting any visitors to my website, I will keep at it.